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What happens when you are wronged, you forgive, and then you are scorned? Grace is the gift of forgiveness applied to somebody who didn't deserve it. God does that for us. That is the first side of grace. Still, daily we disappoint Him. That is what makes necessary the second side of grace. God has given us a solution and too often we live as though we have no solution. How does God cope with this second problem? If we “have it together” we forgive difficult people around us, and they disappoint us, too. The person who offers grace has two problems. First he has the problem that prompted him to forgive somebody. After that he has the problem of putting up with that person's mean spirit after he has been forgiven. There are two sides to grace. The first side is forgiveness, and the second side is what you do to remain sane in the face of the other person's mean spirit. How can we avoid going bananas in the face of our disappointment over the way some people treat us? Disappointments are normally about relationships: relationships with people. Getting along in life is normally about getting along with people. Sometimes “things” trouble us. Men especially have the reputation of taking out their anger on objects around them. Kicking a car that will not start is not unusual. Television sets that fail have more than once suffered shattered picture tubes. However, normally anger rages between people. Sometimes there seem to be a good reasons for tempers to flare. The need for peaceful companionship reaches back to the reason for Creation. God had a reason for creating man in His image. God created His universe because He wanted companions. When Adam gave in to Eve's temptation, he blocked God's ability to “have fun” with His new creation. Sin created a wall of separation between God and man. God's redemption plan resulted in the perfect life of the Lord Jesus Christ, His sacrificial death and His resurrection. He neutralized that wall of separation between the Creator and the people He loves. But this act of grace did not solve all the interpersonal relationship problems between God and His companions. If you find yourself unhappy with people around you, it may be that you and God have the same problem. Even for God it can be true that “no good deed goes unpunished.” Through His grace God has a love connection with His people. Imagine His frustration when we disappointment Him. The emotional weight of disappointment drags down the spirit in direct proportion to the goodwill you have shown toward someone who spurns you. God must suffer that same pain when we misbehave. How does He solve that problem? What landlord, patiently waiting for overdue rent, has not discovered an empty house after fly-by-night renters escape never to pay what is due? How often do employees seeking to please a strict boss forgive unfair treatment only to become invisible in the workplace, receiving no recognition and sinking deeper into depression? What husband or wife has forgiven a spouse only to continue to be forced to live in a home with unresolved conflict or incompatibility? In my imagination I see God suffering the same difficulty. The word “grace” is commonly explained as “God's Riches At Christ's Expense.” God spent Himself without reservation to solve the problem in His personal relationship with His people. Imagine Him back in Heaven after His sacrificial trip to Earth. There He is, having broken down the wall of separation between Himself and His loved creation. He solved the judicial problem caused by sin. He even promised to put sin itself and the memory of it behind him or as the hymn says, “buried in the deepest sea.” Yet, the so-called saints of the early church constructed rituals begging for what He already gave. He died a death He did not deserve to die so that His companions could live lives they don't deserve to live, and here are these dull-witted people writing and chanting prayers asking for forgiveness. What can He do? He can determine to cherish these dim-wits in spite of their continued mis-understanding of the extent of His great gift. He can cherish us just as we are. God could never look favorably upon or cherish sin. How could He cherish the very problem that sent Jesus Christ to the cross? But He knows life is not perfect. He does not need to approve of imperfections and sins in order to cherish their occurrence. Every valley sets forth a mountain landscape speaking of opportunity ahead. It is not our sin, but simply whatever happens that He cherishes and embraces. It is bad enough that those of us who benefit by His grace keep ignoring His eternal values. His people should embrace His free gift of eternal life. Then they should thank Him by yielding themselves to Him. They should allow Him to use them to fulfill His purposes on earth, instead of breaking His commandments. Instead, they concentrate on their behavior instead of yielding to the power of His Holy Spirit. Can you imagine how this could frustrate the loving Creator? How does He cope? There must be another side, another depth, to grace from God's view. Grace given and then spurned creates a potential for deep misery. Yet in His infinite wisdom, God has escaped the misery-trap. How does He do it? God after the cross is like Rodney Dangerfield. He gets no respect. How does He cope? How does God maintain His serenity? The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11: “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, to be content.” If Paul learned how to neutralize his frustrations, are we to believe that God has not? There must be a method available to us that would allow us to have a happy attitude even in response to the unreasonable people around us. How can we do it? How can we cope with people we forgive who constantly challenge our patience? It is not realistic to believe that forgiveness solves all problems. The grace you extend toward someone who has wronged you may or may not change that person's behavior. So, how do you cope when people reject your good wishes? We are made in God's image and we are supposed to keep Eternity's values in view as we face the problems of life. How we cope with disappointment and stressful relationships should follow the pattern God sets for us. The Lord is our gracor and we are His gracees. He gives grace and we continually receive His grace. He deals out grace and we receive grace. Our measure of understanding of God's grace will determine the degree with which we live a happy life, but no matter how well we behave, our actions themselves will never please Him. There is a deep meaning to the “other side of grace” in that He who has forgiven in a point of time must find a way to apply that forgiveness on a continuing basis. In our relationship with the Lord we have less the need for action than He does. We had nothing to do with our salvation, and we have nothing to do with our continuation in grace. He is all in all. Yet, God must possess a mind-set that makes it possible for Him, having given all, to cope with our inadequate response. We know that in God's infinite wisdom and power He will have found a solution to His attitude problem. If we can find the core of this divine attitude that provides Him with peace of Mind in the face of His continual disappointment with our behavior, maybe we can find a method that will allow us to cope with the ungrateful people who drag us down and frustrate us. Man was created in God's image for a reason. Not only does this “same image” principle allow us to communicate with God. It should make a way for us to get along with other humans. The secret is to Get Real And Cherish Everything you see around you. That forgiven friend scorns you? Cherish the scorn. You will find yourself often suffering in depression if you fail to apply this secret of victory in your life. Depression results from unrealistic expectations. Be realistic. Cherish everything. Recognize that your best behavior as seen by God falls so short of perfection that he calls your righteousness a filthy rag (Isaiah 64:6), yet He cherishes His ability to watch your life develop. Why miss the opportunity to see your friend grow? Above we were reminded that Grace is “God's Riches At Christ's Expense.” Can we see the act of cherishing as Cheerfully Holding Every Ridiculous Idiocy as Somehow Helpful? If we can, we will know the meaning of Romans 8:28: “All things work to the glory of God.” This behavior pattern takes deliberate action. It will require you to reject the knee-jerk need to “get even.” It requires us “above all things to put on love” (Colossians 3:14). There is something about this principle that resonates with a thought in the Lord's prayer. We should forgive using the pattern of the way God cherishes even our foolish behavior. Marjorie Legaard of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America Radio Ministry, Ladies' Organization has said. “All theology is summed up in one word: 'grace.'” We might add, all victorious Christian living is summed up in one word: “cherish.” When we are frustrated with behavior neutralized by grace, when those around us behave as though they are not thankful for forgiveness, we need mentally to reach out our arms and embrace them, cherishing them and seeing in that act a shadow of how the Lord in Heaven treats each of us. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. - Thomas Aquinas This idea is not about how to run a government, conduct warfare or even solve marital problems. It is about how to get along with ourselves. We have heavy responsibilities when it comes to holding public servants to account and insisting upon justice being done. But the Bible is about victorious joy in life. “Be of good cheer for I have overcome the world,” the Lord Jesus said (John 16:33). "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. "Romans 5:1) We can Choose How Events Result In Serene Happiness. Cherishing is not about analysis. It is the way of "good cheer" and "peace." It is about emotional health. Just do it – Cherish.
-- Richard Palmquist
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